Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The best revenge is premature balding
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
