Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
