Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
