Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
