am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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