i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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