Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
