no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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