I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
