I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
