allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize