He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
did i just pee glitter
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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