Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
