I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
