grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
