My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize