Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
