I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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