i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
