I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
did i walk over a car last night?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
