I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
