saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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