i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
