i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
