You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
