oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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