I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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