im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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