You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
