yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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