I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize