i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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