you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were destined to go to rehab together
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
