No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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