put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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