I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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