Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize