I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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