so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
