I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
