im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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