There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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