I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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