Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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