I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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