I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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