Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
