And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
