My liver just broke up with me...
they need to just BURY HIM!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
