There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
