half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
