Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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