I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
