So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
