Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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