i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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