Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
