like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
