Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
