I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Found your dick twin last night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
