I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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