so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize