Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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