He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
