I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
