I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
