I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
