just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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