Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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