he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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