Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
