Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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