Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
