So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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