I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
